Area Man Only One With Problems

AreaMan

BOSTON—Expressing the sadness they feel for the beleaguered man and his incomprehensible plight, friends, family, and acquaintances of area man Doug Belson confirmed Wednesday that he is the only person in the world who has problems.

Reports indicate the 34-year-old account manager, who has suffered from this unique affliction for most of his life, is entirely alone in experiencing such phenomena, which from time to time cause him to be unhappy and prevent his life from going as smoothly as he would like.

Read the full Onion article HERE